Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Listening






Yesterday, I went to a church called, "Door of Hope" in SE Portland and was amazed at what I heard from the pastor. He preached on the reasons of why we should go to church (not about being a church consumer but that we are the church), about how to commune with a body/ in relationship, and how not to. A lot was about truly loving and how it's not about "me" or "I" but about "us" and "we".

I went for a nice bike ride (1 hr and 15 min.) out to the country and listened to his sermon on "listening" which was kind of ironic because a lot of it talks about solitude and silence. He spoke on how our world is so addicted to being connected that we have no idea how to be a lone with ourselves. And even though we use these different devices; phones, email, and FB (and really blogging) yet many of us feel alone.

Below is the link to the audio's of a bunch of his sermons. Listen to them in order if you like but definitely check out the "Listening" one.



Monday, August 30, 2010

Frozen

Last night I had the weirdest dream. I was at some group thing and we were sitting around a table. The leader was telling us that they were going to give us some type of drug that would show us our true state of mind. And explained how most people started to cry because usually people were so broken and sad that their true state was shown in crying. The drug was some type of smoke that you inhaled. The first girl they gave it too did start to cry. She weeped. I was next. I didn't cry but was paralyzed. I couldn't move at all. It's like when your mouth clenches or a muscle tightens and you can't relax. It was painful but I couldn't move. They ended up putting me in the middle of the table.

Very weird.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

"even though"



Almost 3 weeks later and I'm starting to feel whole again. I'm not constantly feeling like something HUGE is missing from my life.


"even though"

even though you have a lot of baggage
even though you seem to have moved on
even though you don't love me anymore
even though you broke my heart
even though
even though I cry each time I think of you
even though I feel rejected and left behind
even though I know there is better
even though I want to move on
even though, even though

i still want to hear your voice
i still want to know your life
i still want to love you
i still do

even though

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

A Cure for the Lonely Hearted

I've come to decide that the cure for a lonely or sad heart is a 10-speed. . . (or a kayak but the blog is about my new old 10-speed).

My friend, Aubrey, recently purchased a new old 10-speed a couple weeks ago and told me how nice it was to ride around on it. I have another friend, Stephen, who bikes to work on his jazzy nice road bike. So last week I went on the search for my very own new old bike. I searched on Craig's list which is GREAT as long as you're safe about buying and selling. I came across this little gem and decided to buy it for a whopping 75$ (which compared to Aubrey's was expensive. She found a cool old huffy female road bike. 25$ ) And I'll put a bit more into it to fix a few things. For now I just need a new handle tap and a wire that connects the front gears to it's shifter on the handle bar. It will set me back around 25 bucks. So 100$ all together. I'm happy with it and love that it's old and has character. I ride around with an OLD teal helmet that I had since I was 11 years old. I took it for a short ride and it went well. I'm only sad that I bought it so late in the season.

So for all of you out there with a sad or lonely heart, here is my advice to you. Go out and buy yourself a bike. You will be exercising which is good for so many different reasons; it can release anxiety by using and stretching out your muscles, it can help you lose weight which makes you feel better about yourself, helps you produce beta-endorphins which is the feel good sensation that athletes get when they hit that peak, and for many other reasons that I haven't named.

On another random tangent, my nieces, Dahlia and Mahala are visiting for the week. I woke up this morning to Mahala crying to get out of her crib. It was a nice wake up and to see her with her arms out stretched. So cute.

Later in the day when nap time was approaching (about an hour and half away) I was sitting watching the girls play while my mom took a shower. Dahlia was playing with legos and I started to paint my toe nails. We were in the living room and Dahlia said, "I want my nails painted too." I said, "okay, well I'll go get some nail polish remover and we'll go into the kitchen and paint your nails." She said, "No, you can paint them right here." and I said, "well, we should probably do it in the kitchen. When you're older we can do it in here." She started to get teary eyed and tantrumy. while this went on Mahala just watches on as she does. I then said to Dahlia logically (she's sooooo logical even when she's tired. . I'm sure not always.), "Daaaaahlia, that's not how we act if we want something. I can't paint your nails if you aren't happy. I'm going to get the remover and you can chose to be happy or sad when I get back." She looked at me (oh, by this time she'd fallen back on the ground in a tantrum) and started to stop crying. I asked, "Do you want to be happy or sad?" Mahala chimed in "Happy!" I got up and said again, "you can chose to be happy or sad." and when I came back the tears were dried. We proceeded to go into the kitchen and paint her nails.

I have such amazing nieces but she taught me another lesson. I have a choice and I know I'm choosing to be happy. I know that it's taking me a little longer and that's okay but in the end I really am choosing to be happy. I really want my nails painted when it comes down to it. :)

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Anatomy and Physiology



Finally!!!! I got an A in my Anatomy and Physiology class. Praise the Lord for endurance. I feel that even though life is hard right now this is like a nice cup of Maui Waui sherbet (I recommend this on a hard day. It will brighten your day like the colors of the sherbet. ). Speaking of. . . mmmm. . . going to go get a cup. Yay, for great surprises. Onto my CNA test at the end of September. The studying never ends but that's a good thing. Keep my mind going to mush.

Sunday, August 15, 2010