RIP Zach

Your time here on earth was too short.

One moment here and another gone.

You will forever be in our hearts.

Rest In Peace 

Zach

I think after this I again realize how much I want to be a positive person.  A person who doesn't put her total faith in anyone person.  I respect the freedom of speech and my friend's are allowed their own opinion.  However, today again reminds me how horrible people can be and how easy families can pit one against the other.  I will pray for my president because he has a hard job for the years ahead.  Someone people will hate and openly slander.  Our country is a country and he is our leader.  America isn't the promised land and he's not our savior.  And he's not who got us into this sticky mess, he's just the guy who got hired to get us out.  To all of you out there who think he's doing a lousy job, then do your small part and get out into your community and change things.  Get involved!  Don't just pretend to wash clean dishes at a soup kitchen.  Peace out!

To hate or not to hate

I love when people are disappointed in who wins an election and . . . BAM! Suddenly that person is the Anti-Christ. Either the president is the chosen one or the Anti-Christ. . . they are never just a human. Flawed, human, and trying the best they can. When good old George W was in office the Rep. were on cloud 9 while the Dem. were sure he was mentally handicap. And in 08' when Obamarama came into office he was the antichrist by the Rep view point (and yes, I LITERALLY heard people say this. The end was near.) and the Dem were jumping for joy because he was the Blue fairy who would turn America into a princess with a waive of his wand.

I've held my tongue on FB this whole year. I've had to hide friends who were too vocal because it was irritating to hear their complaints and honestly to see my friends who say, "love one another, don't speak wrongly of another person, be slow to speak and quick to listen, etc" act the complete opposite of their for mentioned ways.

A guy at work told me he said to his children, "no matter who wins, we will support and respect because he is our president. And the presidency is the hardest job in America." And the most hated. Don't put so much negativity into yourself or the world. Love one another, even your president.

Okay, I'm stepping down from my soap box.

Love

Love. . .

Love is hard, except when it's easy.

I was blessed today to be able to go on a walk with my dad. We talked about life and marriage which I feel lucky to be able to be close so close to my father.

My father and I are so much a like. We butt heads a lot but there are these moments where we speak each other's love language so perfectly that make me wonder why we don't spend more time together (we're to selfish in the same ways 90% of the time, it's the truth ;) ). Today was one of those days. I'd had a hard weekend and a hard Monday. Work is great but handling patients who are so helpless are hard, dealing with economical hardship (aka enormous school debt), and missing Dylan like crazy are just a few things on my head/ heart. Being able to talk to my dad about these things and knowing he can relate with all of them ( my mom's been gone for a week) and know's how I'm feeling/ thinking since he's very similar to me, was nice.

There are moment's in life where I'm amazed by my dad and that he truly speaks to my heart. Once was when he told me how God always amazingly surprised him with provisions our of nowhere. Today he amazed me again. He talked about how love is great because we are able to enjoy the good times and easy times but love is truly working when you are able to love through the hard and difficult times. How friendships and marriages are not just fair weathered but true love is being able to love through the shit times. He talked about how marriage isn't about being comfortable but about learning and growing from each other. That if we're not learning from each other we're missing a big part of marriage.

I love hearing great knowledge from a man who has made it 40 years in a loving marriage. As I grow older my respect for my father grows. He has taught me how to love and respect my future husband. I am so lucky to have such amazing parents who love so easily and freely. I pray that I am able to be like both of them when I am older.

A CNA is more then just wiping butts

I know I haven't updated this in ages but I thought that I would surprise you all with a random post.

About a month ago I started training to be a CNA II at a hospital in Portland and I love it!! It's all the good things of being a caregiver and the nurses, for the most part, actually help/ understand if you're busy. Although, I have to say, my unit is WAY better then other ones I've heard of. I'm so thankful to God that I no longer have to worry SO much about money and that if I want to make more, I can. I am also sooooo thankful that I love my job. I don't think I've done something that I love more then being a CNA. . . I know that the end goal is to be a nurse and make more money but I REALLY like being a CNA.

Today, I worked OT (overtime) and "sat" with a patient on my unit that I'd actually sat with the day before. He isn't a very old man but for many reasons he had poor health issues and because his body was failing he was starting to lose his mind. And for his safety, he was unstable on his feet, the hospital had someone sit with him. He also, because of his health issues, had a temper and didn't understand things clearly. I was warned not to be a hero and that my safety was priority.

At first he was a little hesitant and unsure of me, a new comer to his circle, and put up a bit of a fight. By lunch he didn't want me to leave his side and was begging me to help him. He was so sad, because of his delusions, he thought that everyone was out to kill him. He truly believed this. I reassured him that no one was going to do that and that I wouldn't let anyone hurt him. He trusted me and I listened to him.

He had his ups and downs. Depending on what nurse came in or when he had his meds or if he'd take his meds, etc. But for the most part he was fine, just wanted to wander and talk to someone who'd listen. All was going well till 30 minutes after his evening meds. After that he was back to square one. The night nurse had to ask him to stay in bed because each time he got up was too unsteady on his feet. I sat next to him as he dozed off mumbling, "why Melody? Why? Why'd you do it? why?".

Well, in the morning my hospital called to see if I could sit with him again and I said I would. Today was much better and he didn't think anyone was going to kill him. he'd slept most of the night. Today, he was still confused but he wasn't angry and he slept most of the day away. Apparently, he hadn't slept for 3 days prior to the night before. I was so thankful he slept and that he was doing better. He didn't think I was going to kill him either!

I love my job but I've come to realize, I'm kind of glad most of my patients are in and out within the day. My guy from the past two days was physically easy to handle but emotionally hard. I pray he is doing well tonight. I can't help but feel like he's "mine" and that I want everything with his health care to go well. As the person who cares for him the most I hate how cold and distant some nurses and doctors can be. I understand that for doctors its 1 face in hundreds that they care for but I wonder what is missing if that is the case. A doctor, nurse, and cna are to be the most sympathetic, understanding, and loving of all people. At least that is what I think.

Part of me worries about getting jaded, like many do in any profession. I pray that God sends me some patients like my guy, now and then, to remind me that just listening, patting a back, giving a hug, looking a person in the eye, and just being another human who cares is more then enough. More so, I pray that I will never forget to love each patient who walks through my hospital's doors. That each patient is my guest and that I am to serve them graciously and to the best of my ability. Even if I got off at 1130pm and have to start the next day at 7am.