Make a Wish

I hate unemployment. . . I don' t know many people, besides my friend Aubrey, who do but as the saying goes. . .when life gives you lemons and what not.

The other day my aunt who works at the Oregon Gardens here in Silverton asked me if I would be interested in a project with her and her friend who is the manager of the store/ cafe at the gardens. Both ladies wanted to update the post cards in the store since most of them were just generic OR post cards and outdated. Another idea was to make an Oregon Garden's calendar too.

I won't be paid till it all goes through. . .aka the end but I will get paid. I also get free reign of the Gardens at the best times of day, the morning and the evenings when NO ONE is there. I love it. I went in last night at around 7:30pm and stayed till sundown. I am still editing the hundreds of images I have but here is one. . I know it's nothing fabulous but I like the simplicity of it.



I will update more later.

Aubrey 3 generations

Last Friday I took a 3 generations portrait for my friend, Aubrey, out at their farm. It was a beautifully cloudy day. It would have been perfect if it wasn't so windy but we made due and I'm happy with my pictures. Here is just one of them.

The Dentist

I took some portraits for my local dentist last Wednesday. His assistants were tired of the same old same old office portrait so I had a little fun with it. I wish the girls would have gotten a little closer but oh, well. It was fun. I'm sure my portraiture teacher, David Roth, would hate this picture saying, "no, no, no. Who would buy this picture? It's not traditional portraiture!" And then give me a re-shoot.

Lights, Camera, Action

Today was yet another day full of non-paying adventures.

Actually, I met with my friend, Lindsay, who is a massage therapist here in town. Lindsay is letting me show some of my work in her office which is pretty cool. She is also very gifted in interior decorating and just style in general. And that is why she is helping me decide what prints/ what size to put up at a local cafe that is letting me show my art. I am going to do a series of "fog" photos that I took a season ago here in Oregon. I really like them and am proud of them. It's exciting being able to show work. A little scary but I'm hopeful. Oregonians should like them :)

Tomorrow, I have a nice PAID gig where I'm photographing my dentist's office crew. A group shot of everyone. Should be fun. My dentists is pretty crazy :) In a good way. I pulled out my dad's lighting equipment. He has 4 monoblocs and some nice soft boxes. I decided to play around with them. Here is a self portrait. Me in the dungeon of unemployment.

Tears for Fear. . . of the future.

As I get older I find that I'm a lot more emotional and sentimental. . . I know, some of you can't imagine me becoming even MORE emotional.

Since moving back I haven't really thought about processing stuff or having culture shock. I don't know why but I just haven't. I guess since Japan is technologically advanced and I wasn't surrounded by third world economy. Not to say that there weren't things that were hard to deal with, etc. But coming home I wasn't overwhelmed with life back here in the way most would think from moving internationally.

Being back in Oregon where I want to start my business and kind of settle down, I've found the stress of starting my business, having no income, and figuring out life without my close friends I've had back in Japan. I felt so connected to people in Japan because we had a common
thread. . . we were all foreigners in a foreign land. I miss my chats with; Berns, Charlene, Amy, and Joy.

Not having any sort of income is very hard with the daunting idea of my unpaid loans. And how I am spending and not earning. . . scary.

Some days I wake up and it all feels too overwhelming and daunting to deal with. Searching for a job to cover the bills as I start my business, finishing shoots that I shot to update my portfolio, marketing, meeting new people, finding a new church/ fellowship, getting re-acquainted with people, etc.

Tonight, was my first break down since being back in the states. . . I guess that is a good thing and bad thing. It was going to happen sooner or later right? It took me by surprise and I'm still figuring out what is going on in my heart and head. Seriously, sometimes I have no idea myself. Sad really.

The church I am currently going to is starting a 7 day fast where they will pray for the city of Portland and for revival in the city and in ourselves. I think the Lord knew that I would be where I am now and has given me this week to really process stuff. To re adjust my life here and to remind myself what is important and what isn't. Reminding me that He's here with me still and that even if life is like a roller coaster I needn't fear, for He is beside me.

Also He gave me a great mom who ended up holding me as I cried my eyes out, tonight.

Thanks Mom.

Super size Austin

Sorry, it has been a while since I've updated. . . well, not really compared to some people. . . *cough, Brandie/ Wendee* ;)


While I was in Austin my family took me to a BBQ since Texas is known for their BBQ's. We went to a cool BBQ that was next to a rive where you could feed turtles. It was a beautiful ending to the nasty stormy camping we'd had the night before.

I was not prepared for the ginormous sizes of food and drinks that were served.









My nieces love BBQ too





Us feeding the turtles



There was this sad turtle that seemed normal when you looked at him but when he swam he had issues with one side. I tried to feed him more then the others. . . then again maybe that was his issue. He was too fat. Hahhahaha.

"What's So Amazing About Grace?"

My mom's cousin called the other day. She actually wanted to talk to my mom but I happen to be the only one home. Lucky me :) I had just returned from Japan and we caught up on my time there and my time now here.

I had told her how I'd really met the Lord in Japan and in ways that I'd never really expected. In most of my life I'd been taught to; go to church Sunday, go to Bible study, etc. I am not saying what I was taught was wrong but I've also come to the conclusion that "church" and "Bible study" aren't always what the western world thinks they should be. I also came to know and understand, a little, what it means to be a lone with God. To really spend time with Him and to rest in Him.

She recommended a book I'd heard of but had never read. "What's so Amazing about Grace?" by Philip Yancey. I'd heard Philip Yancey speak while I was at college but had never read any of his work. Yesterday, I signed up at the public library and picked up this book(and a self teaching Japanese cd set).


Here are some quotes I liked from what I've read so far:

"'A prostitute came to me in wretched straits, homeless, sick, unable to buy food for her two-year-old daughter. Through sobs and tears, she told me she had been renting out her daughter- two years old!--to men interested in kinky sex. She made more renting out her daughter for an hour than she could earn on her own in a night. she had to do it, she said, to support her own drug habit. I could hardly bear hearing her sordid story. For one thing, it made me legally liable--I'm required o report cases of child abuse. I had no idea what to say to this woman.

At last I asked if she had ever thought of going to a church for help. I will never forget the look of pure, naive shock that crossed her face. "Church!" she cried. "why would I ever go there? I was already feeling terrible about myself. They'd just make me feel worse.'

What struck me about my friends story is that women much like this prostitute fled toward Jesus, not away from him. The worse a person felt about herself, the more likely she saw Jesus as a refuge. Has the church lost that gift? evidently the down-and-out, who flocked to Jesus when he lived on earth, no longer feel welcome among his followers. What has happened?"


"Many Years ago I was driven to the conclusion that the two major causes of most emotional problems among evangelical Christians are these: the failure to understand, receive, and live out God's unconditional grace and forgiveness; and the failure to give out that unconditional love, forgiveness, and grace to other people. . . .We read, we hear, we believe a good theology of grace. But that's not the way we live. The good news of the Gospel of grace has not penetrated the level of our emotions." - pg 15 (David Seamands)

"{Grace} can be dissected, as a frog, but the thing dies in the process, and the innards are discouraging to any but the pure scientific mind." -pg 16 (E.B. White)

"O God, make the bad people good, and the good people nice."- pg 32 (little English girl prayer)

"Grace comes free of charge to people who do not deserve it and I am one of those people. I think back to who I was resentful, wound tight with anger, a single hardened link in a long chain of ungrace learned from family and church. Now I am trying in my own small way to pipe the tune of grace. I do so because I know, more surely than I know anything, that any pang of healing or forgiveness or goodness I have ever felt comes solely from the grace of God. I yearn for the church to become a nourishing culture of that grace." -pg42


I recommend this book.

Gulf of Texas

While I was in Austin, Texas I went to the Gulf ot Texas with my brother and his family. It was amazingly beautiful and the perfect weather. . .minus the thunderstorm that night. Here are some pictures from our time there.