As I get older I find that I'm a lot more emotional and sentimental. . . I know, some of you can't imagine me becoming even MORE emotional.
Since moving back I haven't really thought about processing stuff or having culture shock. I don't know why but I just haven't. I guess since Japan is technologically advanced and I wasn't surrounded by third world economy. Not to say that there weren't things that were hard to deal with, etc. But coming home I wasn't overwhelmed with life back here in the way most would think from moving internationally.
Being back in Oregon where I want to start my business and kind of settle down, I've found the stress of starting my business, having no income, and figuring out life without my close friends I've had back in Japan. I felt so connected to people in Japan because we had a common
thread. . . we were all foreigners in a foreign land. I miss my chats with; Berns, Charlene, Amy, and Joy.
Not having any sort of income is very hard with the daunting idea of my unpaid loans. And how I am spending and not earning. . . scary.
Some days I wake up and it all feels too overwhelming and daunting to deal with. Searching for a job to cover the bills as I start my business, finishing shoots that I shot to update my portfolio, marketing, meeting new people, finding a new church/ fellowship, getting re-acquainted with people, etc.
Tonight, was my first break down since being back in the states. . . I guess that is a good thing and bad thing. It was going to happen sooner or later right? It took me by surprise and I'm still figuring out what is going on in my heart and head. Seriously, sometimes I have no idea myself. Sad really.
The church I am currently going to is starting a 7 day fast where they will pray for the city of Portland and for revival in the city and in ourselves. I think the Lord knew that I would be where I am now and has given me this week to really process stuff. To re adjust my life here and to remind myself what is important and what isn't. Reminding me that He's here with me still and that even if life is like a roller coaster I needn't fear, for He is beside me.
Also He gave me a great mom who ended up holding me as I cried my eyes out, tonight.
Thanks Mom.
Since moving back I haven't really thought about processing stuff or having culture shock. I don't know why but I just haven't. I guess since Japan is technologically advanced and I wasn't surrounded by third world economy. Not to say that there weren't things that were hard to deal with, etc. But coming home I wasn't overwhelmed with life back here in the way most would think from moving internationally.
Being back in Oregon where I want to start my business and kind of settle down, I've found the stress of starting my business, having no income, and figuring out life without my close friends I've had back in Japan. I felt so connected to people in Japan because we had a common
thread. . . we were all foreigners in a foreign land. I miss my chats with; Berns, Charlene, Amy, and Joy.
Not having any sort of income is very hard with the daunting idea of my unpaid loans. And how I am spending and not earning. . . scary.
Some days I wake up and it all feels too overwhelming and daunting to deal with. Searching for a job to cover the bills as I start my business, finishing shoots that I shot to update my portfolio, marketing, meeting new people, finding a new church/ fellowship, getting re-acquainted with people, etc.
Tonight, was my first break down since being back in the states. . . I guess that is a good thing and bad thing. It was going to happen sooner or later right? It took me by surprise and I'm still figuring out what is going on in my heart and head. Seriously, sometimes I have no idea myself. Sad really.
The church I am currently going to is starting a 7 day fast where they will pray for the city of Portland and for revival in the city and in ourselves. I think the Lord knew that I would be where I am now and has given me this week to really process stuff. To re adjust my life here and to remind myself what is important and what isn't. Reminding me that He's here with me still and that even if life is like a roller coaster I needn't fear, for He is beside me.
Also He gave me a great mom who ended up holding me as I cried my eyes out, tonight.
Thanks Mom.
2 comments:
i love you and i understand. call me we have a lot to plan for your amazing business!
of course everyones situtation is different, but its amazing how living away for so long and then coming home can bring about emotions you never really had before. great blog.
its like we traded places or something.
Post a Comment