So I broke up with Tatsuya... if you dont know why then you can email me and ask. But for that reason I am allowed to be emo for one blog. . .
Lets start....
"But Not to Me" by Sara Teasdale
The April night is still and sweet
With flowers on every tree;
Peace comes to them on quiet feet,
But not to me.
My peace is hidden in his breast
Where I shall never be;
Love comes to-night to all the rest,
But not to me.
On my Facebook I asked a question " do we get to chose who we fall in love with?" and I came to the conclusion that we don`t get to chose who we fall in love with but we do get to chose to obey God in that love and how we act with those people. Today, I practiced that right to chose. . . I broke up with the one boyfriend who I am still in love with because it was for the best. How do I know? Becuase the Lord asked me to and the Lord knows best. Soem of you may not agree but that's your choice to chose. For me. . . it's not just the best way but the safest and surest way.
We hadn't seen eachother for a week and when we met up he gave me a present. YEsterday was White Day which is the same as Valentines here in Japan except V-day is for men and W-Day is for the ladies. He bought me some nice cookies. He'd planned our day abit. . . a park, the zoo, a museum, or Kabuki (japanese traditional play) or a Japanese comedy show. We decided on a Japanese history museum (mom and da would love this. . .it was just like all the Korean ones we went to except.. .we just went to one. . not like 4 million of the same ones). It was really interesting. We went to one area that changes every so many months. It took us like an hour to get through since there were SOOO many people. It was really interesting though. Afterwards he was thristy so we sat down and I realized that we weren't going to eat a meal together. . . so it was now or another day but I 'd written in the card I'd given him about us breaking up ( oh, I gave him some gifts in a package too) so. . . I needed to. IT was really shit time to because we were having such a nice time and it was sooo beautiful and.. . .I was sooo happy to be with him and yeah. . .it was nice. But he took it well. . too well maybe. . . he said he still wants to be my friend (yokatta!) but afterwards I wondered if I did. . .I felt soooo hurt and so sad and wasnt sure I could still be his friend. . .I still loved and cared for him. But he seemed fine. . . we went to the rest of the exhibition not talking at all and then at the end he ws like.. .can you find your way to the station? I was kind of hurt but then what do I expect? I'd just broken up with him... and he was really kind about it but even so. . .I felt like. . .rejected. . but wait I was the one breaking up with him. . . .yeah. ..weird. . .. weird. . .mm. . .weird. . . I know that time will heal it. . . but I know it will take time. . . I take sooo long to heal I feel like...something I can't put words to... I chose God and in my head I know it was right but I also know I'm sitting in an internet cafe with tears running down my face. . . .
Love is feeling feeling love
love is needing needing love
love is wanting to be loved.
not really true but it's emo so it goes into the BLOG! The EMOBLOG. .. hee hee hee.. not really.
Please pray for:
me to not feel rejected (I have the tendency)
me to be strong in my faith (knowing this was the right thing to do. . not my faith faith)
Tatsuya to know Christ and to not feel rejected either.
that we some how can make a friendship work. He's the most amazing man I've ever met. . and I know people like David Esler and my 4 brothers and my dad. (okay he's on par with my dad)
Anyways. . .I need to go. . .ugh. ..
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