". . . For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything."
Hebrews 13:5,6
"God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.' So we can say with confidence. 'The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"
Matthew 28:20
". . And surely I am with you always to the very end of the age."
So I've having a great time with God this past week and a half. Seriously, it was a blessing that I have all this time to rest. I thought it would be SOOOO slow and that having 2 weeks of nothing really planned wasn't my idea of fun. I wanted to see my family, go traveling, get home, see Aubrey, and go to Texas. . I had other stuff I was ready for and was a bit miffed that I had these HORRIBLE 2 weeks of . . .nothing really. Going to the gym and that was about all that was in my planner.
Again God is good an knows everything. He knew my heart and what was best for me and if I might say what He wanted too. Time with me :)
My time here has been fully from Him and I've had time to spend a lot of time in the morning, afternoon, and evening with Him. I wake up and spend the morning with Him and then go to the Navy base. I go to the gym(which He knew I needed and desired), I then go and just spend time with Him at a cafe or park. I also have time to journal Aubs (we send a journal back and forth from Paraguay and Japan), read up on some good books (recently getting into kid's classics; Peter Pan, Alice in Wonderland/ Through the looking Glass). And then we (Joy and Brian) all head home at 8pm and I can go to bed at a good hour.
It may sound boring to some but it is what I need. I can process stuff in my life and relax. I have time to listen and speak to God. I almost wish I could always have this much time. I know that it is my job to make time and I will but I will also have a job too. I know there is time and things will need to shift when I get home but I pray that I will be strong enough to keep my time with God a priority. Not just time with God but my time. When I say this I think of my brother in-law, Erik, and how he needs "his" time too. And I think my family is a bit unfamiliar with such an idea. . not that it's wrong but our family has always been. . ."us" and I'm use to "us". I am the youngest of 6 and I've almost always had a roommate since moving out. "Us" is always a room away. (not discounting "Us". Anyways) I've loved being "Us" and if you really know me know that I love people. Sometimes too much and in this last year and especially now the Lord is teaching me and showing me to enjoy "me", "myself", and "I".
I have to say I really like it. The more I embrace spending time a lone and being with God the more I crave it. It's like when you work out regularly ( I mean really working out) and you're starting to get fit and it feels great. But for some reason you can't for a week or two and your body starts to feel sore. Sore in a different way then when you first work out. When you first begin you're sore from being out of shape and pushing your body. THIS sore is more like you've been working out and training and then you stop. . .my sister says it's your body's way of telling you "HEY, lets get to the gym! I need some exercise." My spirit is tells me "HEY! more time with God! More time in the quietness! More worship! More rest!"
It's funny. . .before my life was sooo full and I thought I loved it. I really did think it was good and that I liked it. But I don't think I liked it, I think I thought I needed it. I didn't like being a lone. . being just "me". I wanted to be "us" but not in a healthy sense. The funny thing is I'm always "Us" but am also always "me". God is with me wherever I go and He will be with me "to the very end of the age".
For me this is a huge thing for me. I can look at it and see that I am starting to FINALLY depend on God more and more. I know I was suppose to come to Japan (and if I hadn't stayed the 2nd year) to learn these things. I know I could have and would have in another way but I praise God for this way, His way.
My biggest prayer is that my life won't just go back to what it was. I know I have a tendency to relax when I move, especially when I go home, place. Not just spiritually but physically and mentally. I don't know why but I DON'T want to just going back to being busy and filling my thoughts, time, etc with "stuff".
I want the quiet, the solitude, and time with just God and me.
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