Today, I finished packing up my stuff at my old place in Minami Urawa where I have lived the past year and really since I moved here.
As I looked at the empty room I suddenly felt very さみしい and かなしい. A week ago all I felt was ready to be done with work and to move back home. But as I finished cleaning up my old room I felt so sad and lonely. Wondering when I would be back in this country and if I would ever live in Japan again (as of now, no). Each time I left America I was sad but I never cried because I knew I'd be back in a, relatively, short time. Not knowing if I'll ever be back made it hard to leave my apartment.
My roommate, Bernice, is the last of our group to stay in Japan. We both came to Japan on the same day, went through training together, and have lived with each other this past year. Leaving Bernice made me even sadder. To think that she's been a great friend and roommate and worried about how she would do living a lone from now on.
I know that God has clearly showed me what I'm suppose to do next and I am excited about starting my photography business and it will be great to be home. But I feel like I'm holding a bag full of emotions at bay until May 4th.
Part of me wishes I was going home tomorrow because I would be too busy to think but I have another 2 weeks of just relaxing before my parents and grandma come to Japan (5 days later my sister in-law will join us). It'll be great fun to have them here and I know that it will be good to be busy.
I find myself saying, "I can't wait to go home" or "I wish I was going home sooner" and these statements are very true but I also know that deep in my heart I'm really very sad about leaving this time of my life. I'm use to this lifestyle and to life in Japan. I don't know what life in America is like anymore.
I'm sad to say, "goodbye" but I know that it's time and I know that God is with me. I hold onto that. . . having His promise that He'll be with me through all these changes. This roller coaster. *tear*.
No comments:
Post a Comment